Back in Black (part 1)

Ive decided I have a lot to write at the moment so I'm going to be like Tarantino (Big Kahona Burger anyone?) and split my masterpiece into two parts. I think this part will be able me and life and stuff. The other part will just be my rambles about technology.

Well, I haven't written for a very long time, since December 6th. I don't really know why, I think its because the end of term was really busy: I had major pieces of work due in, then a lot of partying to do, and then packing and getting ready for Christmas. I might have had a cold as well, I think. Oh, and I was busy being dressed as Lara Croft for a fancy dress pub crawl. I looked awesome but that is how I got the cold, the shorts weren't warm. My more recent costume, a Jedi, proved better at keeping the cold out, but I can see why Lara goes for the skimpier, tighter get-up. As a Jedi (Qui Gone Gin?) the wind kept blowing my robes off, and I couldn't find my hands most the time under them, and I knocked a pint glass off a table because it got caught up in them while I was exiting the Cambrian. And it had nothing to do with drinking one too many "Deathstars" (cocktail), honest. I was accompanied by an LOTR Elf and Hitch hiker's Arthur Dent who had a few "Pan-galactic Gargle Blasters" so I wasn't out of place and I think the pub staff forgave me. They clearly knew it was in the best interests of the galaxy not to mess.

Anyway, back to more mundane things. Christmas and New Years was good, some parts of the holiday were pretty amazing, and other parts sucked, but all in all, I feel good about how things went. I think everyone got presents and no one got left out, and considering what a huge part of Christmas mum was, I think we pulled it off well. I think maybe things will get harder as time goes on, as more things change, and people will probably start being less considerate about our situation. I think if we (the Gray tribe) forgot to send someone a card this year, people sort of
forgave it, but perhaps later they won't. And everyone sort of made a lot of effort to see us. Also I feel the family is quite together at the moment, and we're all making quite a lot of effort to make things work and be supportive, but I'm not sure how things will be once the situation develops.

Ive thought about it, and I think it was great mainly because of the people I got to spend time with. I couldn't have been happier then when we all sat down for our first Christmas meal together. I almost cried with joy. However, this all posed one dilemma in my mind... if, over Christmas, I saw pretty much everyone I care about in Winchester and London, and enjoyed myself thoroughly... do I really enjoy being in Aberystwyth? Is there anyone worth coming back here for? I wasn't missing anyone. Occasionally, I missed my room, having my own quiet space with a lock on the door, to be alone in and keep my things away from other people in. But, if my room had been in London, that would be the same, the room can be anywhere, just so long as there is one. So, basically, to sum up my rambling... I think I'm getting sick of Aberystwyth. Sure, its got a lot of pubs, take aways, and students, but are these the things I want now? I really miss London. Everyday I think it, at least once, and I wish I was still there. When I visited over the holiday, I felt better as soon as I got there, I immediately felt much more relaxed and calm (which is odd considering how busy London is, it always used to get me worked up). But suddenly, I just felt like I was home, where I was meant to be, where I belonged. And, so, this is what leads me to basically the only plan I have for the future, I simply plan to follow my heart, and go back to where I feel comfortable and happy. I think everyone knows why that isn't Winchester anymore, and Aberystwyth I'm not really sure why Ive suddenly grown to dislike it. Perhaps its just because I'm comparing it to London, and before Id lived in London, I didn't know better. This is also why I totally understood my dad when he said he was thinking about moving to the Greater London area.

I think, the thing that has really driven me away from liking Aberystwyth, is that for a long time, and mum often used to say this, it was "my place". It wasn't that I felt like I belonged to Aberystwyth, like how I currently feel about London, but more I felt it belonged to me. I'm not really sure why Ive lost this feeling, perhaps its just because so many people I knew have now left, and the town seems to have changed. It feels more like a ghost town, full of my trapped memories of old friends who've now buggered off. I walk around it now, not thinking about all the friends I need to see, things I need to do, but its all in the past now, friends I saw, places I went. In my mind, it feels like Ive already moved on. Which is good I guess, it means once I get my degree I can just get out of here and get on with my life, rather then just wondering around talking to the ghosts in my head. I suppose, however, if I wasn't here right now, I would be missing my housemates. But once they are gone, that is it pretty much. I don't go out nearly as much as I used to, because of how disillusioned Ive become with most the pubs, and I keep running into people I don't really want to see anymore. The other night, in the Bae, I was literally in a room full of people I knew, and all of which Id rather avoid. I was tempted to run out screaming, but then they'd all know that I did, and it would just make my paranoia's grip on my social life stronger.

Plus, then I would lose the Aberystwyth Game. Its very simple, you come here, and slowly drink yourself to death, every night in the Bae, with a room full of people who you know don't think your fit to breathe, and you know they aren't. And you all sit and stare and drink, and occasionally make awequad conversation and sleep with each others friends. The last one to go insane, buy a plastic guitar from B Wise, a nurse outfit from Stars, a chicken and mayo sandwich from 24hr Spa and throw themselves off constitution hill wins. If you get a degree, arrested, or a good pizza on the way, that's bonus points.