Hiding

Urgh: people.

Despite everything that's happened, I didn't lock myself away in my room. I tried going out and being sociable, I make a lot of effort to be nice to them and make them laugh. I spend hours talking to them on MSN, and try to help them with their stupid problems: their broken relationships and computers. I listen to them moan about their stupid boring crap for hours on end. And what do I get back? I get ignored, or told I'm useless, and treated like I'm some horrible disease that won't go away. Like I'm so demanding, like I ask for so much, just for one person to ask me how I am and actually care, and give me a hug and make me not feel so useless, not like I'm just in their way.

So that's it, I've given up on all that useless caring-sharing crap, I'm going back to hiding in my room, playing computer games (Crysis is the bomb BTW) and listening to my metal. Makes me wish I had my job back, at least there I was doing something everyday, I had responsibility, people needed me, every now and then praised me. Or fuck them, if they didn't praise me, at least I was being paid, I knew I was getting somewhere and being rewarded. And the walk home from work... listening to my music so loud my ears would bleed, knowing I could just eat and go to bed, was the best thing ever. I didn't have a care in the world. Now I've got nagging lecturers and deadlines, no responsibility or praise, just a constant feeling that everything I do isn't good enough.

So sod it, I've got a lot of work to do, a lot of good computer games and music, and the internet has been alright for the last 2 days (touch wood), I need not waste my time on ungrateful people any more. I would stop blogging as well, but I enjoy it even if no one read it, so I won't let them stop me. Curse you all, men.

Anyway, news. Crysis is amazing, but I really need my new graphics card to get it to run as well as it should. I really can't wait till I get to play it on a good PC with DirectX 10. I'm still not sure weather to go the whole hog at Christmas and upgrade my RAM and go to Vista. Apparently Vista SP1 will be out soon, RC1 is out now, so maybe I should wait for that. I should really read more computer news, but generally the news just bores me, seems to be repeats of the same stories about the Wii and PS3. And non-techy news is just too depressing, so I won't talk about any of that.

So its just a useal monday really: regretting ever getting out of bed. 10th blog, woot!